Marriage Isn’t Hard – Reflections on 4 Years of Marriage

About a week ago, Blake and I were in the car after church and Blake asked “Do you think marriage to me is hard?

My first thought: “That’s a loaded question”

My actual response: “No.”

I still stand by my response, here’s why: Marriage is a promise..no, a covenant I made to Blake (and to God) on August 4, 2012. Promises and especially covenants aren’t made to be broken.

Making the decision to get married was hard. There were multiple times while Blake and I were dating and even while we were engaged that I seriously considered not marrying him; but when I did marry him, I was sure of my decision. In my head, once I made the decision (and promised before him and God many things including “until death do us part”), I would never reconsider.

Marriage isn’t a decision I make every day… it’s a decision I made once but one that I won’t change. Really, that’s a freeing thought.

If I had to “decide” on marriage EVERY day, I wouldn’t stay married long. I don’t think anyone would.

When we were in the car that day, Blake asked for further explanation on my response. This was my further explanation: “Marriage isn’t hard. Getting along with you everyday is hard.” Luckily Blake is a guy and the didn’t ask for further clarification there. The conversation ended. He knew what I meant.

Getting along with each other is hard. I’m hard. I’m hard on him. I’m sarcastic and harsh sometimes. Blake would probably have a gentler life with someone else but he chose me. He probably doesn’t choose me every day, but he doesn’t have to… he chose me once and he committed to that decision. Even when he doesn’t like me, he loves me and he is married to me. And vice versa.

Full disclosure: Blake annoys the shit out of me sometimes. We don’t agree on a lot of things (namely: how to assemble anything – crib, bookshelf, kegerator, Dr. Browns bottle…anything). But we made the decision to get married and we both honor that decision. No matter what we say to each other, how harsh we are toward each other, or how much we annoy the shit out of each other – we are married. We have to figure it out. If we don’t agree with each other, we figure it out. If something about him annoys me, I usually let him know… why? I’m married to him. If it annoys me now, it will annoy me more in 1 year or 10 years or 50 years so I better go ahead and let him know now. Every argument is worth it. Every disagreement is worth it. Every hard conversation is worth it.

The covenant we made to each other and to God is worth it.

We’re only 4 years in, so this whole blog could be naive, but I really hope it’s not.

(pic above is from our joint bachelor/bachlorette party…still one of my favs!)

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3 thoughts on “Marriage Isn’t Hard – Reflections on 4 Years of Marriage

  1. You are wise beyond your years and I know you and Blake will have a long and wonderful life together. God Bless both of you with happiness and lots of sweet memories thru the years.

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  2. Great perspective!
    If it helps make the annoying day to day any easier, consider this; “As iron sharpens iron, one man sharpens another”. Proverbs 27:17
    If we can look at the things that annoy us about our spouse as tools that help us grow out of our comfort zone, then some of those agrivations can be used to improve us. I can’t express that as clearly as your writing but hope it makes sense. Instead of fighting against the things that bother us, if we can have an open mind about the differences, we grow and mature. In other words, drop the “tug of rope”, and walk toward each other, meeting in the middle.
    Congrats on your anniversary and two beautiful little girls!

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  3. Pingback: The 5 Year Obstacle Course | Don't Just Live, Conquer!

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